The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
