All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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