My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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