one two three fourrrrnication!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All the doctor said was why
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
