We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
