Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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