i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
