Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
