and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
