With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
