i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
