Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
