And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
