Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
