We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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