How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think people are normalizing furries
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
