So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
