that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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