Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Enjoy the penises
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
