I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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