I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
