So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
