At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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