ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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