She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
