You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
