Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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