you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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