THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
