FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think people are normalizing furries
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
