yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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