i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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