Ambien. No doubt about it.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
