I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
