I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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