do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
