Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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