she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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