I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
