My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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