She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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