You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I am one with the molecules
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
