as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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