He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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