The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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