At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
