i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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