I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
