Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
