Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
