Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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