(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
