Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
