it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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